1 00:02:16,800 --> 00:02:18,641 Water ! 2 00:03:49,879 --> 00:03:54,407 Stop,or I'll send you to meet your boss in heaven ! 3 00:03:54,484 --> 00:03:58,706 Soldier,what do you want ? Can't you see my holy habit ? 4 00:03:58,793 --> 00:04:02,850 Don't you get it ? This is a robbery ! 5 00:04:02,854 --> 00:04:06,587 Give me your bag or your life... I'd prefer the bag. 6 00:04:06,819 --> 00:04:11,755 Ok...but stop waving that huge sword around ! 7 00:04:11,796 --> 00:04:16,716 I don't have much money. I can give you the alms box... 8 00:04:21,903 --> 00:04:24,990 Is it Easter already ?! 9 00:04:29,758 --> 00:04:34,236 Sure,you're right... I understand,my son. 10 00:04:34,392 --> 00:04:39,174 Six months of war, homesick,desperate... 11 00:04:39,196 --> 00:04:43,773 ... but you shoul never have attacked a minister of God. 12 00:04:43,776 --> 00:04:47,111 I was hungry. I've been starving for four days ! 13 00:04:47,340 --> 00:04:50,945 All I found was water.. I was so hungry ! 14 00:04:51,067 --> 00:04:54,862 One night a soldier bit my nose and ran off ! 15 00:04:54,883 --> 00:04:59,053 - Did you recognize him ? - Sure,I had his ear in my pocket ! 16 00:04:59,091 --> 00:05:01,918 That's no way to do things ! 17 00:05:02,021 --> 00:05:06,397 We must love the Lord and all His creatures... 18 00:05:06,864 --> 00:05:09,743 All His creatures.... 19 00:05:25,123 --> 00:05:27,841 I got it... 20 00:05:36,568 --> 00:05:39,072 What's that,bean wine ? 21 00:05:39,133 --> 00:05:42,946 - Your health,father ! - Yes,health matters most.... 22 00:05:42,963 --> 00:05:46,328 - Where did you say you were going ? - With the war over... 23 00:05:46,414 --> 00:05:48,991 ...I'm going back to my hometown. "Watch-the-hole". 24 00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:52,835 Where you left your wife... tell me,is she beautiful ? 25 00:05:52,881 --> 00:05:57,941 - She's more than "beautiful"! - Have women always fallen for you ? 26 00:05:58,195 --> 00:06:02,347 - They died for me ! - For your charm ? 27 00:06:02,456 --> 00:06:05,520 No, I had an infectious disease, but I'm better now. 28 00:06:05,619 --> 00:06:08,565 So,you were a conqueror... 29 00:06:08,593 --> 00:06:11,964 - Do you know how they call me back home? - "The asshole". 30 00:06:12,057 --> 00:06:13,979 How did you guess ? 31 00:06:14,033 --> 00:06:16,780 You left your wife alone to go to war ! 32 00:06:16,833 --> 00:06:19,432 Not really "alone",father... 33 00:06:19,526 --> 00:06:22,853 Do you know Deodato the blacksmith of "Watch-the-hole"? 34 00:06:23,247 --> 00:06:26,784 Master Deodato ? I've heard of him... 35 00:06:26,843 --> 00:06:30,708 - ...he's the smith who makes... - ...chastity belts ! 36 00:06:31,001 --> 00:06:35,390 He made one for my wife, wich starts here... 37 00:06:35,448 --> 00:06:39,750 ...and goes all round, a net of iron ! 38 00:06:39,842 --> 00:06:42,745 And this is the key... 39 00:06:42,840 --> 00:06:47,877 In war I could lose an arm,a leg, my head...but this never ! 40 00:06:47,897 --> 00:06:52,109 Without this,no one's going to get into my wife ! 41 00:06:53,759 --> 00:06:57,847 Experience has taught me that fidelity is one thing... 42 00:06:57,859 --> 00:07:01,691 ...and keys are another. Take advices... 43 00:07:01,713 --> 00:07:04,669 get home as soon as you can... 44 00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:09,528 Now let's rest... we'll get going again when it's dark. 45 00:07:10,123 --> 00:07:15,253 Tomorrow morning you'll be in your wife's arms and... 46 00:07:25,362 --> 00:07:29,921 Sleep,father... we'll catch something here for sure ! 47 00:07:31,079 --> 00:07:36,158 This one won't have a club like yours ! Maybe that's what she's looking for ! 48 00:07:51,183 --> 00:07:53,881 Freeze and tramble ! 49 00:07:53,941 --> 00:07:58,274 Where are you hiding ? I only see a timid bottom ! 50 00:07:58,361 --> 00:08:01,563 I beg you,take everything, but don't kill me ! 51 00:08:01,576 --> 00:08:04,159 We'll see... 52 00:08:04,594 --> 00:08:08,807 Stand still... I can't take these head-butts ! 53 00:08:08,835 --> 00:08:11,863 My brain's in a bad already ! 54 00:08:11,907 --> 00:08:15,032 What do you want ? 55 00:08:15,199 --> 00:08:18,433 I have nose for these things... 56 00:08:19,864 --> 00:08:23,609 You dummy! These coins are no longer in circulation . 57 00:08:23,629 --> 00:08:27,540 They were my grandpa's, I'm no good with... 58 00:08:27,589 --> 00:08:30,635 I am,my dear ! 59 00:08:31,171 --> 00:08:33,923 Have mercy,sir ! 60 00:08:33,993 --> 00:08:37,891 I've lost everything in the war but my honor ! 61 00:08:37,952 --> 00:08:41,207 You mean you're still a virgin ? 62 00:08:41,869 --> 00:08:46,059 - Yes,stil... - Then it's time ! 63 00:08:46,092 --> 00:08:49,489 Your purse is worthless, so if you want to save your life... 64 00:08:49,540 --> 00:08:52,127 ...what else can you give me ? 65 00:08:53,993 --> 00:08:58,014 Come here.I'll introduce you to the saint of lovers ! 66 00:08:58,106 --> 00:09:02,241 - Who's he ? - Saint Shaggy ! 67 00:09:03,659 --> 00:09:05,907 What do you want now ? 68 00:09:05,959 --> 00:09:09,035 Nothing,take me and be done with it ! 69 00:09:09,048 --> 00:09:12,768 No one risist my beauty ! 70 00:09:13,400 --> 00:09:17,421 Ah...this armor has to come off first... 71 00:09:18,355 --> 00:09:20,754 So,do you want me or not ? 72 00:09:20,812 --> 00:09:25,402 I do,but i need a hand with this scrap iron ! 73 00:09:28,926 --> 00:09:32,537 - See how big I am ? - Big nothing,it's the pitchforck ! 74 00:09:32,582 --> 00:09:35,888 Damn,I keep screwing up ! 75 00:09:36,940 --> 00:09:40,696 - Do you like it ? - Yes,I love it ! 76 00:09:40,758 --> 00:09:45,587 This is nothing,now you'll feel my famous masterstroke ! 77 00:09:46,217 --> 00:09:48,649 Has the war started again ?! 78 00:09:48,658 --> 00:09:52,094 I started it, you filthy pig ! 79 00:09:52,161 --> 00:09:57,147 First you want to rob me,and now you want to rape this poor girl ! 80 00:09:58,325 --> 00:10:01,234 You've committed a sin against God ! 81 00:10:01,294 --> 00:10:06,650 But I didn't even finish ! 82 00:10:06,689 --> 00:10:11,366 You're taking the wrong road ! If you don't get your stuff... 83 00:10:11,430 --> 00:10:16,341 ...and flee far from temptation, I'll breack your head ! 84 00:10:16,405 --> 00:10:20,570 Damn,you look like the devil ! Take this ! 85 00:10:20,579 --> 00:10:23,723 Are you giving me the horns ? 86 00:10:23,800 --> 00:10:27,934 Did you think you'd stay faithful for life ? 87 00:10:28,148 --> 00:10:32,050 Damn,I keep screwing up ! 88 00:10:32,286 --> 00:10:36,435 My child,what did that sinner want ? 89 00:10:36,522 --> 00:10:40,984 I don't know,he jumped on me and began touching me... 90 00:10:40,990 --> 00:10:44,201 That brute... touched you here ? 91 00:10:44,271 --> 00:10:49,449 - Yes,and behind... - That pig ! And you ? 92 00:10:49,770 --> 00:10:53,164 I was scared, so I let him ! 93 00:10:54,846 --> 00:10:58,253 - Did he touch these too ? - No... 94 00:10:58,281 --> 00:11:01,609 - No ? - He kissed them... 95 00:11:03,140 --> 00:11:09,147 He was dragging you to hell ! I'll take care of you,my child... 96 00:11:09,826 --> 00:11:12,936 - What must I do ? - I'll purrify you...! 97 00:11:12,988 --> 00:11:16,460 I'll cancel your sisns with my holy body ! 98 00:11:16,534 --> 00:11:20,113 Yes,father... I'm so happy ! 99 00:11:20,319 --> 00:11:23,457 - Purify me ! - I'll purify you...! 100 00:11:27,017 --> 00:11:31,316 One,two,three,four, even five times ! 101 00:11:31,452 --> 00:11:34,547 I want to become a dove ! 102 00:11:34,972 --> 00:11:37,856 Instead of acting the fool, why not go to war ? 103 00:11:37,902 --> 00:11:41,095 What ? I just got back ! 104 00:11:51,900 --> 00:11:56,329 I can't belive it , finally I'm home ! 105 00:11:57,144 --> 00:12:01,617 Giovanni,it's me... Olimpio ! I'm back from the war ! 106 00:12:01,825 --> 00:12:05,955 - Who gives a fuck ! - Right, a touch of human warmth... 107 00:12:17,532 --> 00:12:22,484 Argo ! Let's see if you recognize me ! 108 00:12:24,419 --> 00:12:27,794 Wow what a memory ! He recognized me ! 109 00:12:30,164 --> 00:12:33,168 Pour my water... 110 00:12:39,716 --> 00:12:44,502 Beautiful...you're so beautiful ! 111 00:12:44,671 --> 00:12:48,754 - Do you mean it ? - Yes,but no one enjoys your beauty . 112 00:12:49,073 --> 00:12:52,988 You fool of husband went off to war ! 113 00:12:53,024 --> 00:12:55,762 Midwife ! 114 00:13:00,697 --> 00:13:03,749 What's that noise ? Go and look... 115 00:13:09,550 --> 00:13:13,262 Lady Fiamma a soldier's coming ! 116 00:13:13,277 --> 00:13:15,649 I can't see his face ,but... 117 00:13:15,729 --> 00:13:19,450 - Is it my husband comiing back? - Yes, it's him ! 118 00:13:19,493 --> 00:13:23,465 It seems the war gave him a holly thrashing ! 119 00:13:23,579 --> 00:13:28,434 - Quick, I'll get ready to receive him ! - What a sainted lady you are ! 120 00:13:28,435 --> 00:13:32,268 Rather than receive him. I'd slam the door in his face ! 121 00:13:32,311 --> 00:13:34,802 Midwife... 122 00:13:36,835 --> 00:13:39,538 Fiamma ! 123 00:13:39,933 --> 00:13:42,633 Did you narrow the door's ? 124 00:13:42,723 --> 00:13:45,184 My lord ! 125 00:13:45,208 --> 00:13:48,452 My god, what a mess ! 126 00:13:48,486 --> 00:13:51,288 Have you had another bath ? 127 00:13:51,365 --> 00:13:53,697 Did you take one when I left six months ago ? 128 00:13:53,728 --> 00:13:56,642 I wanted to be beautiful for your return... 129 00:13:56,691 --> 00:13:59,602 Who told you I was coming back ? That old witch ? 130 00:13:59,687 --> 00:14:02,128 - Damn you ! - Does she still bite ? 131 00:14:02,149 --> 00:14:05,861 Of course not,my love... Given the state you're in... 132 00:14:05,900 --> 00:14:09,717 ...you should take a bath too. 133 00:14:09,869 --> 00:14:12,894 If the water doesn't mind ! 134 00:14:12,910 --> 00:14:15,904 - My lady , I'm off... - Me too ! 135 00:14:15,948 --> 00:14:21,645 - I'll leave the show to you... - Get back in your cage ! 136 00:14:21,952 --> 00:14:26,118 To think how much I prayed that she'd die ! 137 00:14:28,914 --> 00:14:32,462 Your armor isn't easy to open... 138 00:14:32,541 --> 00:14:36,498 It's been falling apart for six months...and now it won't open ! 139 00:14:36,515 --> 00:14:40,839 Relax... wait , I'll help you. 140 00:14:44,129 --> 00:14:48,805 - Wait, I've got just the thing... - Go get it ! 141 00:14:53,262 --> 00:14:57,924 The sladge hammer ? Are you going to beat me to death ? 142 00:14:58,067 --> 00:15:01,623 How you become an "armor wrecker"? 143 00:15:02,327 --> 00:15:05,427 Do I look like a nail to you ?! 144 00:15:05,711 --> 00:15:10,285 Careful ! It's sheet iron ! 145 00:15:10,326 --> 00:15:13,547 It gets red hot under the sun ! 146 00:15:13,633 --> 00:15:17,004 Once it got so hot... 147 00:15:17,053 --> 00:15:20,920 ...that everyone cleared off rather than burn ! 148 00:15:21,035 --> 00:15:26,151 Our captain fried two eggs on me ! 149 00:15:27,540 --> 00:15:30,387 - Come here ! - That's done... 150 00:15:30,482 --> 00:15:32,930 ..now I'll get you a towel... 151 00:15:32,961 --> 00:15:36,340 The water's all yours... 152 00:15:39,060 --> 00:15:42,352 Do I have to drink it all ?! 153 00:15:43,945 --> 00:15:47,749 - Darling ! - My love, I'm burning with desire ! 154 00:15:47,805 --> 00:15:51,742 - You must flee,my husband's back... - Can't we see each other again ? 155 00:15:51,774 --> 00:15:55,555 I'll let you know ,now go... 156 00:15:55,564 --> 00:15:58,785 - Ah, the key ! - Where's yours ? 157 00:16:00,001 --> 00:16:05,008 - Right... so whose is this ? - Don't worry, go. 158 00:16:13,597 --> 00:16:16,549 Fiamma, at last ! 159 00:16:16,607 --> 00:16:19,859 At last nothing ! My husband's back from the war ! 160 00:16:19,896 --> 00:16:24,155 - Didn't they kill him ? - Hurry Falco, save yourself ! 161 00:16:24,637 --> 00:16:27,676 I'll see you in a few days... 162 00:16:27,745 --> 00:16:30,179 - Bye.. - Bye ! 163 00:16:38,224 --> 00:16:41,226 Hi there... 164 00:16:45,224 --> 00:16:48,391 Serafino... it's me, Fiamma ! 165 00:16:48,438 --> 00:16:51,115 I was counting the minutes ! 166 00:16:51,187 --> 00:16:53,339 - Calm down ! - What's happend ? 167 00:16:53,404 --> 00:16:55,932 The saddest thing in the world... my husband's back ! 168 00:16:55,993 --> 00:16:58,799 I knew it ! I'll wait for you here... 169 00:16:58,807 --> 00:17:01,664 What next ?! 170 00:17:12,168 --> 00:17:15,879 - Done already ? - Washed, wrung and dried . 171 00:17:15,963 --> 00:17:19,610 - And your massage ? - Right now, my darling ! 172 00:17:19,613 --> 00:17:23,646 You're so firey ! Your appetite scares me... 173 00:17:23,652 --> 00:17:29,207 Appetite ? This is hunger! Six months of abstinence... 174 00:17:29,276 --> 00:17:32,998 - I didn't even get a goat ! - I was the same for me. 175 00:17:33,067 --> 00:17:36,320 Your return is a dream, my love ! 176 00:17:36,362 --> 00:17:39,577 Your dream will come true ! 177 00:17:39,942 --> 00:17:44,294 - Ow! Is that iron down there ? - Forgive me, darling... 178 00:17:44,423 --> 00:17:50,022 - ... you hit the chastity belt. - Oh , of course ! 179 00:17:50,097 --> 00:17:53,742 Get the key , and you'll be fine... 180 00:17:53,799 --> 00:17:58,197 - I want to be free of this prison... - I'll get it immediately ! 181 00:17:58,995 --> 00:18:02,572 Missed you that time... 182 00:18:04,842 --> 00:18:07,456 Here it is ! 183 00:18:08,439 --> 00:18:11,996 Where's it gone ?! The key... 184 00:18:12,045 --> 00:18:17,049 Where's the key ? Where are yoy key ? 185 00:18:17,073 --> 00:18:20,221 The key's gone ! 186 00:18:20,399 --> 00:18:23,842 We could use the sledgehammer ! 187 00:18:24,968 --> 00:18:28,258 No, my love,what are you doing ?! 188 00:18:28,266 --> 00:18:31,416 What am I doing ? I'm going to crack your iron panties! 189 00:18:31,449 --> 00:18:35,538 Yes, but the tresure inside might suffer ! 190 00:18:35,595 --> 00:18:38,809 And, actually... 191 00:18:38,902 --> 00:18:43,034 ... I have something important to tell you, come... 192 00:18:44,352 --> 00:18:46,789 Let's hear it... 193 00:18:46,856 --> 00:18:50,232 You have the time to talk with master Deodato, the blacksmith... 194 00:18:50,321 --> 00:18:54,602 When you left the war, I made a vow to Saint Fertility... 195 00:18:54,622 --> 00:18:57,968 If you returned safe and sound... 196 00:18:57,986 --> 00:19:02,262 ...we wouldn't make love an this bed two weeks. 197 00:19:02,323 --> 00:19:05,804 - Then let's use another bed ! - Yes, Olimpio... 198 00:19:05,881 --> 00:19:11,350 But what are two weeks, compared with a lifetime ? 199 00:19:13,353 --> 00:19:17,884 Saint Fertility, huh? Must be one that can't mind his own business ! 200 00:19:17,969 --> 00:19:20,140 And, what's more... 201 00:19:20,225 --> 00:19:24,741 ... if in two weeks we have a son, he'll be born with red hair... 202 00:19:24,809 --> 00:19:29,078 - Why ? - Because I'm getting rusty! 203 00:19:29,626 --> 00:19:34,049 In two weeks your love will be at the peack of strength... 204 00:19:34,134 --> 00:19:38,074 ... for your stisfaction and mine... 205 00:19:38,159 --> 00:19:40,555 Yes... 206 00:19:42,675 --> 00:19:46,870 Can't we just have a quickie ? 207 00:19:50,287 --> 00:19:55,842 Sometimes when I'm tired I get sleepy , how come ? 208 00:19:57,424 --> 00:20:00,940 It must be a physical defect ! 209 00:20:27,351 --> 00:20:30,120 Fertility ! 210 00:20:30,328 --> 00:20:35,648 Fertility... come here, I've something to tell you ! 211 00:20:36,119 --> 00:20:38,937 Are you there ? 212 00:20:39,178 --> 00:20:41,904 Fuck off then ! 213 00:20:56,819 --> 00:21:00,131 What way of eating is that ? 214 00:21:00,228 --> 00:21:03,473 Ok...I'll change ! 215 00:21:06,931 --> 00:21:09,575 - Do you like it ? - What is it ? 216 00:21:09,595 --> 00:21:12,590 Toad soup... 217 00:21:14,517 --> 00:21:18,374 You might have killed first ! 218 00:21:20,115 --> 00:21:23,008 I'll stuff a lemon in her mouth and put her in oven ! 219 00:21:23,030 --> 00:21:26,975 - Please, she saw me born... - And now she wants to see me die ? 220 00:21:27,022 --> 00:21:30,608 Let's change the subject honey... Now the war is over... 221 00:21:30,635 --> 00:21:33,397 ... you must make peace with our neighbor. 222 00:21:33,472 --> 00:21:36,655 You mean the miller, Oderisi ? He's too bitter... 223 00:21:36,724 --> 00:21:40,898 Try yo understand, the stream that run throught our properties... 224 00:21:40,928 --> 00:21:45,299 ...servs both of us, he for his mill, and us for our fields... 225 00:21:45,386 --> 00:21:49,455 It's time the dispute was resolved peacefully... 226 00:21:49,492 --> 00:21:51,712 He's too bitter... 227 00:21:51,749 --> 00:21:54,891 It was so hard for me when you went off war... 228 00:21:54,931 --> 00:21:59,058 Take the notary's counsel, he's a valiant man of law... 229 00:21:59,085 --> 00:22:02,796 - ... let him do it ! - As for doing it... 230 00:22:02,850 --> 00:22:06,581 Something needs doing here ! I'm going crazy... 231 00:22:06,583 --> 00:22:10,194 No, I beg you, don't tempt me... I vowed to Saint Fertility... 232 00:22:10,243 --> 00:22:14,226 I dreamt of him last night... he said, "Your wifels vow... 233 00:22:14,235 --> 00:22:18,017 ... got lost. I'm busy and can't find it..." 234 00:22:18,043 --> 00:22:20,705 So,it's no longer valid! 235 00:22:20,797 --> 00:22:25,963 Please, resolve things with Oderisi. 236 00:22:25,994 --> 00:22:28,039 He's too bitter . 237 00:22:28,118 --> 00:22:31,777 But no... after being widowed, he married Lady Ubalda... 238 00:22:31,845 --> 00:22:37,665 She's a sainted woman who, I'm sure, has been able to change him... 239 00:22:45,129 --> 00:22:48,592 She called her father ! 240 00:22:52,869 --> 00:22:56,013 I learned lots of langueges in war ! 241 00:23:45,780 --> 00:23:47,824 Ubalda ! 242 00:23:47,911 --> 00:23:50,515 - Your husband ! - Right, at such a beautiful moment... 243 00:23:50,552 --> 00:23:52,943 ...who else could it be ? 244 00:23:53,038 --> 00:23:57,212 - Hubbie, what do you want ? - Open,the doctor's here ! 245 00:23:57,253 --> 00:24:00,636 One moment, I'm here with my hairdresser.. 246 00:24:00,692 --> 00:24:03,675 I'm almost naked, let me dress . 247 00:24:03,724 --> 00:24:06,204 I know how jealous you are ! 248 00:24:06,269 --> 00:24:09,548 Who cares if you're naked. I'm your husband ! 249 00:24:09,551 --> 00:24:12,424 The doctor doesn't notice this things ! 250 00:24:12,509 --> 00:24:15,657 You're right, but I don't want him to see me naked... 251 00:24:15,660 --> 00:24:20,199 You know how shy I am ! 252 00:24:20,246 --> 00:24:25,189 True, but this doctor could be your grandfather. 253 00:24:25,235 --> 00:24:27,377 Come on,open... 254 00:24:27,442 --> 00:24:32,561 Right, now you'll see that I'm almost naked and get jealous... 255 00:24:33,227 --> 00:24:36,382 No wise man could be jealous of this doctor. 256 00:24:36,466 --> 00:24:39,174 Please, come in... 257 00:24:39,276 --> 00:24:42,404 - Here is my sweet consort. - Your servant,my lady. 258 00:24:42,480 --> 00:24:45,371 Your welcome, master... 259 00:24:45,413 --> 00:24:48,179 I've never seen this hairdresser... is she new ? 260 00:24:48,198 --> 00:24:52,775 Yes... she was recommended to me, she's very shy,but also very good... 261 00:24:52,776 --> 00:24:56,909 - ...unrivalled in her profession. - Too kind, my lady . 262 00:24:56,998 --> 00:25:00,737 Well done, but now go, the master must concentrate . 263 00:25:00,750 --> 00:25:04,076 - I'll be back later... - So, what's wrong with the lady ? 264 00:25:04,128 --> 00:25:07,544 - She never wants to make love! - Please, I'll explain... 265 00:25:07,604 --> 00:25:13,222 - Master,it's a delicate issue... - Feel free to tell me . 266 00:25:13,251 --> 00:25:18,055 Master, my husband is unable to fornicate with me . 267 00:25:18,150 --> 00:25:23,636 Unable? Let me see those balls. They dont look sick, a little puffy. 268 00:25:23,697 --> 00:25:26,180 I want to, I try ! 269 00:25:26,236 --> 00:25:31,133 Traing isn't enough ! Every time we're in bed... 270 00:25:31,153 --> 00:25:37,155 I start to swon . I feel a great fire than I faint. 271 00:25:37,245 --> 00:25:39,718 - Do you think it's serious ? - I'd say so... 272 00:25:39,733 --> 00:25:43,609 ..a female like her is made for love. Strip so I can take a look... 273 00:25:43,650 --> 00:25:46,065 - Naked ? - Yes, naked. 274 00:25:46,366 --> 00:25:51,017 - Does she really have to be naked? - Of course ! 275 00:25:53,101 --> 00:25:58,826 Now, breath deeply while I put my ear your breast . 276 00:25:58,909 --> 00:26:02,916 - Oh, how wonderful ! - Stop ! I'll do the ear bit . 277 00:26:02,987 --> 00:26:06,104 I'll lean, listen and report . 278 00:26:09,365 --> 00:26:12,160 Is that your breathing ? 279 00:26:12,182 --> 00:26:16,308 No, him . He always does that, but besides sighing that's it . 280 00:26:16,310 --> 00:26:21,970 This is no good . Jelous husbands are yhe ruin of medical science ! 281 00:26:22,026 --> 00:26:25,266 - Of cuckolds, if anything ! - A shame on you ! 282 00:26:25,343 --> 00:26:30,592 Are you more worried about your wife's health or your own ego ? 283 00:26:31,985 --> 00:26:36,515 What do you say, Lady Ubalda? Will you do as the doctor says? 284 00:26:36,840 --> 00:26:41,350 Yes, dear husband, let's humor him . 285 00:26:41,423 --> 00:26:44,955 Come, Cerusico, ear to boob ! 286 00:26:45,185 --> 00:26:48,733 I'll put my hand here, to get confortable . 287 00:26:48,844 --> 00:26:53,264 What a strong heart this woman has. 288 00:26:53,375 --> 00:26:56,045 - Get other here ! - Are you joking ? 289 00:26:56,056 --> 00:26:59,244 No, doctors don't joke, not even at Carnaval ! 290 00:26:59,322 --> 00:27:03,384 I order you to leave becouse your presence is a hindrance. 291 00:27:03,641 --> 00:27:09,389 - She does't want to be alone with you ! - Let's ask her . You decide . 292 00:27:09,411 --> 00:27:11,793 ...him or me ! 293 00:27:11,804 --> 00:27:16,388 Dear husband, try to understand, leave alone with the master, 294 00:27:16,784 --> 00:27:21,580 I've overcome my shyness, and I know I can trust him . 295 00:27:21,592 --> 00:27:26,192 Allright, I'll be outside the door. But hurry, I'll give you 10 minutes. 296 00:27:26,232 --> 00:27:29,255 10 minutes is enought for me ! 297 00:27:36,832 --> 00:27:41,361 - What are you doing ? - Underssing, he gave us only 10 minutes. 298 00:27:41,576 --> 00:27:44,591 But grandpa, one month won't be enough for you. 299 00:27:44,663 --> 00:27:47,365 Your wife is right, Master Olimpio... 300 00:27:47,417 --> 00:27:50,562 ... disputes are costly, and justice takes time . 301 00:27:50,634 --> 00:27:53,923 You should reach an agreement . A feew well-pleced words . 302 00:27:54,028 --> 00:27:58,412 All this used to be my father's... he sure was a happy man ! 303 00:27:58,478 --> 00:28:01,233 - To think, he hung himself . - Out of sorry ? 304 00:28:01,397 --> 00:28:05,539 No, by the neck ! That's it should hang Odersi ! 305 00:28:05,626 --> 00:28:11,092 Olimpio, be prudent. It seems to me your blood is boling ! 306 00:28:11,270 --> 00:28:15,558 Can you tell? My wife has left my whistle dry for a week . 307 00:28:15,602 --> 00:28:19,216 My son, as if this was your only problem ! 308 00:28:19,312 --> 00:28:22,293 If you need a good time, couple with your servant... 309 00:28:23,143 --> 00:28:28,231 - The one in my house ? - Does that trouble your consecience ? 310 00:28:28,962 --> 00:28:32,512 No... it turns my stomach ! 311 00:28:32,618 --> 00:28:38,105 Then try having a good time with the boys... 312 00:28:38,687 --> 00:28:41,235 Notary ! 313 00:28:41,344 --> 00:28:44,493 Well... you might be surprised ! 314 00:28:44,509 --> 00:28:48,875 I have a wonderful time with my boys... 315 00:28:49,847 --> 00:28:52,580 You mean you... 316 00:28:54,380 --> 00:28:56,862 Who'd have thought ! 317 00:28:56,919 --> 00:29:01,037 Why do you keep stopping ? You have a bad vice. 318 00:29:03,163 --> 00:29:06,452 Look who's talking ! 319 00:29:14,576 --> 00:29:17,316 Welcome ! 320 00:29:21,118 --> 00:29:23,524 Is the master Oderisi's wife ? 321 00:29:23,551 --> 00:29:27,323 Yes, he landed a beauty ! You're not envious, are you ? 322 00:29:27,402 --> 00:29:31,013 Not in the least... 323 00:29:32,757 --> 00:29:37,917 Relax, Olimpio... Has she really smitten you ? 324 00:29:38,881 --> 00:29:43,814 I can already see her with nothing on... except me, of course ! 325 00:29:45,233 --> 00:29:50,648 My Lady, it's not I who speak, but my soul... 326 00:29:52,087 --> 00:29:54,964 By wthat name is this beauty called ? 327 00:29:55,016 --> 00:29:59,101 - My name is Ubalda . - And the ather one ? 328 00:29:59,181 --> 00:30:03,148 My name is Lady Ubalda . What can I do for you ? 329 00:30:05,392 --> 00:30:08,272 Who knows, I like the lot ! 330 00:30:08,351 --> 00:30:11,622 We're here to discuss boundaries, my lady... 331 00:30:11,627 --> 00:30:14,790 - Where is your husband ? - Here, notary . 332 00:30:14,824 --> 00:30:17,586 Ah, you're here too... 333 00:30:17,706 --> 00:30:21,663 Have you come to waste my time ? Damned soldier ! 334 00:30:21,745 --> 00:30:24,435 You're back without booty ! 335 00:30:24,878 --> 00:30:29,100 Pusillanimous, tongue-wagging, armless incompetent ! 336 00:30:29,184 --> 00:30:31,402 Too bitter ! 337 00:30:31,415 --> 00:30:33,801 Good day, master Oderisi ! 338 00:30:33,925 --> 00:30:38,843 It's not a good day, with this filth in my house ... 339 00:30:39,968 --> 00:30:45,121 The parties being present before me, notary Adone Bellezza... 340 00:30:46,671 --> 00:30:49,643 My lady, leave us . 341 00:30:53,424 --> 00:30:57,385 Let's try to resolve this dispute with civility and respect... 342 00:30:57,523 --> 00:31:01,913 - I won't talk with that man. - Very well, I'll talk... 343 00:31:03,556 --> 00:31:05,599 Therefore... 344 00:31:05,666 --> 00:31:09,155 The border between the lands of Master Olimpio... 345 00:31:09,194 --> 00:31:12,694 and those of Master Oderisi, the miller... 346 00:31:12,741 --> 00:31:17,734 ...is in dispute over the stream named "Aqua Viva".... 347 00:31:17,819 --> 00:31:21,325 ...which both parties mantain is their property. 348 00:31:21,344 --> 00:31:24,378 Ask him what he's looking at over there... 349 00:31:24,415 --> 00:31:29,019 Master Oderisi asks what you are looking at over there... 350 00:31:29,031 --> 00:31:32,445 - Buttoks... - Huh ? 351 00:31:32,986 --> 00:31:36,837 The above-mentioned stream which runs along the border... 352 00:31:37,279 --> 00:31:41,838 - ...between the lands of... - Excuse me a moment... 353 00:31:46,072 --> 00:31:48,942 Did I catch a connection ? 354 00:31:57,097 --> 00:31:59,303 Enough, ok ! 355 00:31:59,465 --> 00:32:02,455 Give it a break ! 356 00:32:06,209 --> 00:32:10,585 What's that, the "soldier's slap"?! 357 00:32:13,346 --> 00:32:16,656 Why do you keep hitting the same spot ? 358 00:32:21,934 --> 00:32:25,199 Master Oderisi, are you feeling ok ? 359 00:32:25,228 --> 00:32:28,214 You look a little pale ! 360 00:32:29,791 --> 00:32:32,688 I'll give you the change later ! 361 00:32:32,989 --> 00:32:36,287 "...free of malice and cowardice... 362 00:32:36,375 --> 00:32:38,880 ...all this in honor of common sense... 363 00:32:38,920 --> 00:32:43,073 ...rendering noble and content men of goodwill," 364 00:36:07,833 --> 00:36:11,839 Where are you going ? Come here . 365 00:36:13,010 --> 00:36:15,867 Closer... 366 00:36:16,828 --> 00:36:19,935 Let me feel... 367 00:36:20,386 --> 00:36:22,919 Let me...aaaah ! 368 00:36:22,993 --> 00:36:25,237 What happened ?! Is a trap ? 369 00:36:26,859 --> 00:36:29,239 A mousetrap?! 370 00:36:29,276 --> 00:36:33,194 To keep you away from temptation, my husband... 371 00:36:33,226 --> 00:36:37,093 You could at least add a little cheese ! 372 00:36:38,205 --> 00:36:41,241 Again ? Has that friar come back ? 373 00:37:45,215 --> 00:37:49,012 Enought! At this I'll have the washing hung by sunset! 374 00:37:49,070 --> 00:37:50,848 But I'm helping you. 375 00:37:50,879 --> 00:37:53,562 Nu, you're making things harder. You're jealous ! 376 00:37:53,636 --> 00:37:56,342 It's your fault... hanging clothes in front of the workers! 377 00:37:56,439 --> 00:38:00,920 It's the sun's fault! Do you want it to dry at night? 378 00:38:01,375 --> 00:38:07,094 Damn them, hugging those sacks thinking of your things! 379 00:38:07,202 --> 00:38:10,852 Husband, what irreverent language ! 380 00:38:10,925 --> 00:38:15,445 If you're that jealous, order them to stop working... 381 00:38:15,522 --> 00:38:17,614 until I've gone inside . 382 00:38:17,654 --> 00:38:20,402 I would, but this work is urgent. 383 00:38:20,445 --> 00:38:25,679 Instead I order you to go inside and not come out till they're done! 384 00:38:25,755 --> 00:38:28,251 Go on, hurry ! 385 00:38:28,255 --> 00:38:31,522 And you, get working! Work, you bums! 386 00:38:31,602 --> 00:38:35,772 And stop hugging those sacks! 387 00:38:43,850 --> 00:38:46,752 Hey, come and look! 388 00:38:47,486 --> 00:38:50,036 Who is it ? 389 00:38:50,276 --> 00:38:53,118 Look at him ! 390 00:38:53,192 --> 00:38:57,063 Next time you go out, wear appropriate clothes. 391 00:38:57,533 --> 00:39:01,412 - Armor, for example? - Not a bad idea . 392 00:39:03,126 --> 00:39:08,515 Stop being so jelous... Your wife loves and respects you. 393 00:39:08,519 --> 00:39:12,639 I'll prove you it with the clothes I wear to go out. 394 00:39:12,672 --> 00:39:17,345 - Why, where are you going? - To town, it's market day. 395 00:39:17,350 --> 00:39:19,888 Nu, not the market! 396 00:39:19,923 --> 00:39:22,154 That loafer Olimpio is always out... 397 00:39:22,180 --> 00:39:25,799 ... now that his wife won't entertain him in bed, everyone's talking about it! 398 00:39:25,865 --> 00:39:29,080 Now you're ridiculous! I can't bear being stuck inside! 399 00:39:29,150 --> 00:39:32,967 Tou should thank me, your virtue is safe here! 400 00:39:32,983 --> 00:39:35,450 What are you doing? Aren't you tired of looking? 401 00:39:35,540 --> 00:39:37,489 No, boss... 402 00:39:37,502 --> 00:39:41,370 That is, yes... a certain Cantarano da Nola is here to see you... 403 00:39:41,381 --> 00:39:44,498 - Who's he ? - A great master painter... 404 00:39:49,349 --> 00:39:51,914 All eys on me ! 405 00:39:52,645 --> 00:39:55,348 I'll scratch anyone who moves... 406 00:39:57,681 --> 00:40:02,563 Miraculous angel, perfection of perfection... 407 00:40:02,586 --> 00:40:07,284 - Fabulous ! - Wizard, have you done ? 408 00:40:08,036 --> 00:40:11,627 I need to know what Venus is this ? 409 00:40:11,834 --> 00:40:15,719 What Juno, what Minerva ? 410 00:40:15,779 --> 00:40:19,019 What son of a bich sewed this outfit ?! 411 00:40:19,061 --> 00:40:22,120 While I need to know who sent you here... 412 00:40:22,421 --> 00:40:25,823 It is fate who sends me... 413 00:40:25,883 --> 00:40:28,225 I have circled the globe... 414 00:40:28,252 --> 00:40:32,415 ...known kings and qeens so rich they are bored... 415 00:40:32,490 --> 00:40:36,173 ...like that German prince Von Fuck ! 416 00:40:36,291 --> 00:40:41,578 What rights do you have over this celestial creature ? 417 00:40:41,623 --> 00:40:45,539 What rights ? She's my wife ! 418 00:40:46,745 --> 00:40:51,522 What a fool not to realize you are the husband ! 419 00:40:51,617 --> 00:40:56,452 The forehead of a poet, eyes of a thinker of an emperor... 420 00:40:56,487 --> 00:41:02,873 ... chest of a warrior, a knight's hands, strong and kind... 421 00:41:03,416 --> 00:41:07,749 Becouse I love nature, I love to live outdoors... 422 00:41:07,792 --> 00:41:11,166 - ...drink toasts, play cards... - Whist ? 423 00:41:11,257 --> 00:41:13,907 Uh... no, pederast . 424 00:41:14,575 --> 00:41:21,077 I'm here by order of your lord. ... Duke Guazzone da Vellentri. 425 00:41:21,419 --> 00:41:27,258 He said, "Go, paint Lady Ubalda, whose beauty... 426 00:41:28,094 --> 00:41:31,252 ... is fabulous!" 427 00:41:32,129 --> 00:41:36,454 But the duke didn't tell me about you, so cute and good-looking... 428 00:41:36,814 --> 00:41:40,480 Si, sir, it is with you that I shall retire... 429 00:41:40,555 --> 00:41:43,835 ... to paint you naked ! 430 00:41:43,946 --> 00:41:46,271 Have you gone crazy ? 431 00:41:46,305 --> 00:41:51,446 - Do you dare disobey the duke ? - No, but he told you to paint Ubalda! 432 00:41:51,501 --> 00:41:53,263 True... 433 00:41:53,307 --> 00:41:55,808 - Do you dare disobey the duke? - Never... 434 00:41:55,812 --> 00:41:58,631 - Then have yourself painted... - No. 435 00:41:59,013 --> 00:42:01,627 - No ? - No ? 436 00:42:02,092 --> 00:42:06,793 No. No man other than my husband may see me naked! 437 00:42:06,865 --> 00:42:09,667 Man ? 438 00:42:10,740 --> 00:42:13,629 As you wish, husband... 439 00:42:13,914 --> 00:42:16,410 - The key... - The key ? 440 00:42:16,482 --> 00:42:20,300 - If I have to be naked... - She's not naked with the chastity belt! 441 00:42:20,806 --> 00:42:24,347 Ok... here you are. 442 00:42:24,701 --> 00:42:27,139 Bye, sweetie... 443 00:42:44,516 --> 00:42:50,204 Hey, come and look! The painter's taking her up to strip naked! 444 00:42:50,989 --> 00:42:53,293 Come in... 445 00:42:59,946 --> 00:43:02,441 Will you be comfortable here ? 446 00:43:02,533 --> 00:43:04,743 On the floor ? 447 00:43:05,233 --> 00:43:07,820 Very comfortable! 448 00:43:07,884 --> 00:43:10,732 - Whenever you wish, master... - Not yet. 449 00:43:11,006 --> 00:43:14,039 I can feel paralysis setting in! 450 00:43:14,073 --> 00:43:16,426 Oh, mother... 451 00:43:17,076 --> 00:43:19,851 Guard her well... 452 00:43:20,325 --> 00:43:23,423 I'll get my things... 453 00:43:25,189 --> 00:43:29,622 My lady, what are you waiting for ? Don't upset the painter... 454 00:44:06,168 --> 00:44:09,559 - What are you doing, master? - I've locked it. 455 00:44:09,567 --> 00:44:13,102 Why? I'm on guard out here! 456 00:44:13,364 --> 00:44:16,198 - No one must enter, not even you. - Why ? 457 00:44:16,224 --> 00:44:19,819 So you don't break my... inspiration. 458 00:44:24,442 --> 00:44:27,649 - Who's that ? - Who? It's me! 459 00:44:52,670 --> 00:44:57,164 Let me through, I got the ladder and I'll climb it! 460 00:45:31,297 --> 00:45:35,435 You care me, why are you looking at me like that? 461 00:45:37,359 --> 00:45:41,660 A painter has eyes like of a doctor... 462 00:45:43,104 --> 00:45:46,039 ...crazed... 463 00:45:51,253 --> 00:45:54,202 Let me up, let me up! 464 00:45:58,098 --> 00:46:00,809 Let me up! 465 00:46:04,539 --> 00:46:06,986 Go on, let me up! 466 00:46:09,400 --> 00:46:12,242 Come on, out of the way! 467 00:46:12,295 --> 00:46:14,322 Let me look to! 468 00:46:14,344 --> 00:46:16,389 It's my turn! 469 00:46:17,296 --> 00:46:20,713 Master, why can't I hear your voice any more? 470 00:46:20,784 --> 00:46:23,738 Odd, I talk constantiy! 471 00:46:23,799 --> 00:46:27,163 Sorry, but I hear nothing... maybe I'm going deaf. 472 00:46:49,867 --> 00:46:54,179 Master... is inspiration coming or not coming? 473 00:46:54,794 --> 00:46:57,283 Nearly... 474 00:47:00,207 --> 00:47:03,162 Hold still, don't push! 475 00:47:09,634 --> 00:47:13,990 - What are you waiting for? - Give me time, I'm confused... 476 00:47:14,209 --> 00:47:16,860 ... with all this acting gay... 477 00:47:28,712 --> 00:47:31,476 - I'm a real macho, uh? - The key... 478 00:47:31,506 --> 00:47:34,118 Right... the key! 479 00:47:38,470 --> 00:47:41,441 Ok,I'm opening it! 480 00:47:41,683 --> 00:47:45,506 I told you to go away! 481 00:47:48,033 --> 00:47:51,601 Courage, master... 482 00:47:52,484 --> 00:47:56,666 I'm scared I'll break it! I mean, 'tear the canvas'... 483 00:47:57,422 --> 00:48:00,650 The painting canvas, of course! 484 00:48:04,534 --> 00:48:07,439 - Careful! - Careful, we'll fall! 485 00:48:10,031 --> 00:48:12,740 What happend? 486 00:48:14,065 --> 00:48:16,742 But... what happened? 487 00:48:20,975 --> 00:48:25,073 You dirty peeping toms! 488 00:48:25,768 --> 00:48:28,476 Take this! 489 00:48:28,533 --> 00:48:32,553 - What's going on? - They were spying on my wife naked! 490 00:48:32,580 --> 00:48:36,820 Oh... beat them, without mercy! 491 00:48:37,163 --> 00:48:39,581 I will, and some! 492 00:48:42,019 --> 00:48:45,896 Olimpio De' Pannocchieschi?! I'm gonna kill you! 493 00:48:46,185 --> 00:48:49,432 I'll disembowel you, tear your heart out! 494 00:48:49,504 --> 00:48:54,896 I'll feed you to de pigs! You filthy brute! 495 00:48:56,388 --> 00:48:58,645 He's coming! 496 00:48:59,977 --> 00:49:03,364 He's very angry... lord knows why! 497 00:49:04,214 --> 00:49:07,604 Open, you dirty worm! 498 00:49:07,638 --> 00:49:12,666 Open or I'll kill you! You too, lady, open up! 499 00:49:13,688 --> 00:49:15,751 Help! 500 00:49:15,767 --> 00:49:20,543 Help me, husband! The painter has pulled out his "brush"! 501 00:49:20,594 --> 00:49:23,657 He's trying to rape me! 502 00:49:23,735 --> 00:49:28,269 Don't open! He'll break both our butts! 503 00:49:30,386 --> 00:49:33,421 How did you guys get down? 504 00:49:42,408 --> 00:49:47,221 - I'm out of here! - Go, go... my dog will catch you! 505 00:50:10,043 --> 00:50:12,397 Sorry... 506 00:50:47,009 --> 00:50:50,633 Quick, take me to him! 507 00:51:11,656 --> 00:51:15,047 An ambush, another thief! 508 00:51:16,402 --> 00:51:19,192 Hush! 509 00:51:28,178 --> 00:51:33,101 Do you always take the same road? Don't you ever pass for "fuck off"? 510 00:51:36,571 --> 00:51:39,584 Where have you taken me? 511 00:51:45,781 --> 00:51:49,086 Here I am, father! Did you call me? 512 00:51:50,274 --> 00:51:53,244 Are you a fag too? 513 00:51:53,750 --> 00:51:57,437 Sorry. Your boss hasn't gone, has he? 514 00:51:57,476 --> 00:52:00,662 He was giving me advice, but I fell asleep... 515 00:52:00,693 --> 00:52:03,478 ...after all those knocks! 516 00:52:03,515 --> 00:52:08,561 There he is! Look at that feast... grapes, chicken, bread... 517 00:52:08,585 --> 00:52:11,736 When he's not hitting, he's eating! 518 00:52:15,879 --> 00:52:19,040 May I, father? What's the food like? 519 00:52:19,090 --> 00:52:22,108 - Like your own home... - Then I'm leaving! 520 00:52:22,147 --> 00:52:26,547 What a fuss! You must accept all that heaven sends... 521 00:52:26,561 --> 00:52:30,422 ... as I accept this morsel of penitence. 522 00:52:31,517 --> 00:52:34,651 By the way, are you at peace with God? 523 00:52:34,700 --> 00:52:37,815 Yes, we say hi, but we don't really talk... 524 00:52:43,898 --> 00:52:46,479 - Do you serve chickens? - We serve anyone... 525 00:52:46,569 --> 00:52:49,205 She recognized me on sihgt! 526 00:52:50,746 --> 00:52:55,887 - What's your name, my child? - My name is Candy, but call me Handy... 527 00:52:56,425 --> 00:53:00,559 - Where's your father? - I'm orphan. 528 00:53:00,754 --> 00:53:03,752 - Brothers? - None... 529 00:53:04,267 --> 00:53:09,071 - Don't tell me you don't have a fiance! - I don't... 530 00:53:09,081 --> 00:53:13,460 - I live sad and alone... - Don't worry, my child... 531 00:53:13,505 --> 00:53:18,322 ... one's never alone in life, if you want... 532 00:53:29,116 --> 00:53:32,678 I forgot... I'm a poor friar, so you pay the bill. 533 00:53:32,752 --> 00:53:35,954 - Don't you have any money? - I've have renounced all... 534 00:53:35,958 --> 00:53:38,556 You sure haven't renounced eating! 535 00:53:38,992 --> 00:53:43,624 That advice I asked for, you still haven't given it... 536 00:53:43,671 --> 00:53:47,495 Right, but tell me... 537 00:53:47,506 --> 00:53:50,339 ... who is this female driving you so crazy? 538 00:53:50,434 --> 00:53:54,961 Lady Ubalda, the wife of master Oderisi, the miller. Do you know him? 539 00:53:55,048 --> 00:53:57,329 For sure! 540 00:53:57,409 --> 00:54:02,585 That skunk sold me two sacks of flour full of worms! 541 00:54:02,651 --> 00:54:05,797 He wants to steal the water from my fields! 542 00:54:05,806 --> 00:54:08,140 - Can't we fuck him? - What ? 543 00:54:08,161 --> 00:54:11,585 I mean, how can I get to cuckold him? 544 00:54:13,308 --> 00:54:18,232 With great cunning... you must play the "painter ploy". 545 00:54:18,305 --> 00:54:22,492 Again? I told you how well that went already! 546 00:54:22,502 --> 00:54:27,084 Hush, let me speak... I mean a real painter. 547 00:54:27,144 --> 00:54:30,188 Do you know the famous master, Caterano da Nola? 548 00:54:30,252 --> 00:54:34,720 Yes, Duke Guazzone's painter! That's who I played... 549 00:54:34,793 --> 00:54:37,737 - Then you understand everything... - Sure... 550 00:54:37,806 --> 00:54:41,804 I've understood nothing! I'm inteligent, but not very... 551 00:54:41,856 --> 00:54:44,699 And with all these knocks... 552 00:54:44,728 --> 00:54:48,841 ... it feels as if two bats are arguing in my head. 553 00:54:48,883 --> 00:54:54,140 Go rest, then. I'm going to console that poor girl... 554 00:54:54,221 --> 00:54:58,379 - We'll talk more later. - Yes, later... 555 00:54:58,957 --> 00:55:01,872 ...after she got Handy on you! 556 00:55:09,907 --> 00:55:12,649 This is a sin, my child... 557 00:55:12,722 --> 00:55:15,889 ... I explained it so you can avoid it... 558 00:55:15,935 --> 00:55:18,628 - Have I been clear? - No... 559 00:55:18,655 --> 00:55:20,544 No? 560 00:55:20,612 --> 00:55:24,546 But I eplained it twice! 561 00:55:25,510 --> 00:55:30,685 You live in the country, but you're hard-headed! 562 00:55:32,164 --> 00:55:34,925 Maybe I didn't explain myself properly? 563 00:55:34,981 --> 00:55:40,283 No, you explained very well, but I'd like to know more... 564 00:55:40,306 --> 00:55:45,306 More? Alright. I'll explain one last time... 565 00:55:46,318 --> 00:55:49,075 ... but is the last ! 566 00:55:50,960 --> 00:55:54,047 - Friar's hideout! - What do you want? 567 00:55:54,076 --> 00:55:56,556 Can I have a ride too? 568 00:55:56,560 --> 00:55:59,502 Haw you dare? Can't you see I'm doing a panance? 569 00:55:59,537 --> 00:56:02,436 I just wanted the advice I asked for... 570 00:56:02,464 --> 00:56:04,864 If not, I'm not moving... 571 00:56:04,899 --> 00:56:07,288 You won't leave? 572 00:56:09,322 --> 00:56:12,117 - Will you listen, my son? - Yes, sure! 573 00:56:12,224 --> 00:56:16,155 But hurry, or your penance will get cold... 574 00:56:16,985 --> 00:56:20,973 You must stop the painter at the Castagnaccio Pass... 575 00:56:21,036 --> 00:56:25,501 With confidence, you tell him, "I come in the name of Duke Guazzone!" 576 00:56:25,633 --> 00:56:31,416 When you say "Guazzone" It must be like lightning from a clear sky! 577 00:56:31,425 --> 00:56:36,520 "He orders you to go to the mill of master Oderisi... 578 00:56:36,589 --> 00:56:39,276 ... to take the beautiful Lady Ubalda." 579 00:56:39,295 --> 00:56:43,835 Once taken, you must conduct her to the duke's castle. 580 00:56:44,002 --> 00:56:46,886 She must be the model for the great fresco... 581 00:56:46,961 --> 00:56:50,686 ... that will adorn the walls of the banquet hall. 582 00:56:50,766 --> 00:56:54,164 Master Deodato, does this chastity belt work? 583 00:56:54,256 --> 00:56:59,234 It's my masterpiece. None but I can open it without a key! 584 00:56:59,295 --> 00:57:03,148 - Is it good against painters? - Good against all artist... 585 00:57:04,190 --> 00:57:06,199 - Boss. - What is it? 586 00:57:06,281 --> 00:57:09,187 - The master painter is back. - Again? 587 00:57:10,672 --> 00:57:13,170 Step aside, peasant! 588 00:57:13,187 --> 00:57:18,293 I am Caterano da Nola, famous painter and great talent... 589 00:57:18,449 --> 00:57:21,767 By order of Duke Guazzone da Viterbo... 590 00:57:21,798 --> 00:57:25,685 ... I have come to take your wife, miller. 591 00:57:25,766 --> 00:57:29,088 Why, master? 592 00:57:28,984 --> 00:57:33,506 To take her to the castle, where I can paint her at ease... 593 00:57:33,551 --> 00:57:37,201 I'll paint you, you son of the beach! 594 00:57:37,335 --> 00:57:44,035 - Now I'll fix you! - Calm down,stop! Halp! 595 00:57:44,170 --> 00:57:49,165 Quick, stop him, or Duke Guazzone will have his head off! 596 00:57:50,525 --> 00:57:55,429 Quick, or the duke's rege will fall on us! 597 00:58:00,108 --> 00:58:02,823 - Oh, mother! - Stop, stop... 598 00:58:07,359 --> 00:58:12,288 Master Oderisi, what have you done?! The duke's rage will be great! 599 00:58:12,458 --> 00:58:16,762 - It is he who sent the painter! - What painter! 600 00:58:16,784 --> 00:58:20,923 This is Olimpio, that fucking whoremonger! 601 00:58:22,378 --> 00:58:25,438 The duke will make you pay! 602 00:58:25,690 --> 00:58:28,543 Help! Help! 603 00:58:28,613 --> 00:58:33,161 Tell the duke I'm innocent, I didn't mean to offend. 604 00:58:33,430 --> 00:58:35,606 Calm down, won't you! 605 00:58:35,687 --> 00:58:39,021 Can't you see he's sleeping? You'll wake him up! 606 00:59:04,963 --> 00:59:07,504 Hey move! 607 00:59:10,725 --> 00:59:14,364 If we're late it'll be your fault! 608 00:59:15,064 --> 00:59:20,282 I was framed, I'd never lack respect for the duke! 609 00:59:21,239 --> 00:59:23,683 Can you prove it ? 610 00:59:25,665 --> 00:59:27,794 No? So? 611 00:59:27,835 --> 00:59:30,515 It's the truth, I'm innocent! 612 00:59:31,577 --> 00:59:35,032 This guy was innocent too... or at least said he was. 613 00:59:35,163 --> 00:59:38,963 - Doesn't justice exist? - Sure it exists... 614 00:59:39,033 --> 00:59:42,480 - But it takes money, and if you have any... 615 00:59:42,497 --> 00:59:47,874 ... I have a lawyer friend, an eminent jurist... 616 00:59:47,950 --> 00:59:51,027 - Shall I call him ? - Well, if he's eminent... 617 01:00:19,264 --> 01:00:21,993 Didn't scare you even just a bit? 618 01:00:22,042 --> 01:00:24,904 - No... - Then I'll try again... 619 01:00:30,256 --> 01:00:33,920 - Better this time, right? - Just come and eat! 620 01:00:34,582 --> 01:00:37,452 I can't, I've a commitment... 621 01:00:37,502 --> 01:00:40,265 I'm escorting a procession touring the mills to ask for flour.... 622 01:00:41,367 --> 01:00:45,070 - A procession of what? - Uh... they're lepers... 623 01:00:48,157 --> 01:00:50,992 Hey, where are you going? 624 01:00:51,007 --> 01:00:53,882 They're not bad guys! 625 01:00:54,912 --> 01:00:58,484 It's me who's the smartass! 626 01:00:59,166 --> 01:01:03,239 Lady Ubalda, what now? 627 01:01:20,008 --> 01:01:22,830 - What's that noise? - Oh, come on... 628 01:01:22,888 --> 01:01:25,721 - No, one moment... - You always say that! 629 01:01:25,763 --> 01:01:28,869 Can't you hear it? Maybe the miller's back! 630 01:01:29,054 --> 01:01:32,262 My jealous husband! 631 01:01:43,384 --> 01:01:46,164 -Open up! - Who is it? 632 01:01:46,240 --> 01:01:49,800 I'm the hard one that heals! 633 01:01:49,800 --> 01:01:53,756 That is. I'm love personified... Well, whatever... 634 01:01:53,936 --> 01:01:56,727 - 50 florins, sir... - Fuck! 635 01:01:56,813 --> 01:01:59,353 - I'm sorry? - I said, "justice is expemsive"! 636 01:01:59,420 --> 01:02:02,357 Miller, is your head worth less? 637 01:02:02,377 --> 01:02:05,721 No, but I was adding it up... 5 to the soldier who called you... 638 01:02:06,049 --> 01:02:10,283 ... 10 to you, that's 15... who gets the other 35? 639 01:02:10,293 --> 01:02:13,727 Duke Guazzone... who else hands out justice? 640 01:02:21,005 --> 01:02:24,347 But you are Olimpio! You're not my husband! 641 01:02:24,379 --> 01:02:26,864 Why, is he the only one with a prick? 642 01:02:27,827 --> 01:02:30,570 It's not my husband! 643 01:02:30,637 --> 01:02:33,788 - It's not my husband! - Have you seen me in profile? 644 01:02:33,841 --> 01:02:37,771 - You gain in the excenge! - It's nou my husband! 645 01:02:37,792 --> 01:02:41,064 Why scream? There's only us two here! 646 01:02:41,784 --> 01:02:44,862 It's not my husband... 647 01:03:14,570 --> 01:03:17,318 He's dead... 648 01:03:37,240 --> 01:03:40,734 Giannetto, what have we done? I'm scared... 649 01:03:40,853 --> 01:03:45,114 Let's stay calm, Ubalda. Olimpio was a weird guy... 650 01:03:45,178 --> 01:03:48,507 They'll think he's gone on some trip, without telling anyone... 651 01:03:48,591 --> 01:03:51,663 Don't worry, we're in no danger. 652 01:03:51,672 --> 01:03:54,518 - Are you sure? - Of course... 653 01:03:54,631 --> 01:03:56,920 ... and anyway, who's going to look in a cesspit? 654 01:04:01,751 --> 01:04:03,958 Lady! 655 01:04:04,032 --> 01:04:06,790 Who's armor is this? 656 01:04:06,933 --> 01:04:10,592 Have you lain with that pig Olimpio? 657 01:04:11,427 --> 01:04:15,063 - Have wanted to... - I know very well, damn! 658 01:04:15,287 --> 01:04:18,506 That's why I ended up in that cage! 659 01:04:18,591 --> 01:04:22,692 - You think I gave in? - Actually, I do. 660 01:04:24,167 --> 01:04:26,736 How you dare?! 661 01:04:26,752 --> 01:04:30,542 I'm a timorous and faithful woman.... 662 01:04:31,149 --> 01:04:35,017 When Olimpio tried to possess me... 663 01:04:35,585 --> 01:04:40,259 ... I heat him with this club! 664 01:04:40,480 --> 01:04:44,235 - Like this! Like this! - Hey, stop it! 665 01:04:44,328 --> 01:04:48,270 - Do you believe me? - Sure I believe you! 666 01:04:48,986 --> 01:04:51,840 - And... I believe he's dead. - Dead?! 667 01:04:51,848 --> 01:04:54,620 Saint Cerusico, virgin and martyr! 668 01:04:54,662 --> 01:04:56,922 What did you do with the body? 669 01:04:56,995 --> 01:04:59,939 I threw him where he deserves... in the cesspit. 670 01:04:59,954 --> 01:05:02,043 The cesspit? 671 01:05:02,137 --> 01:05:04,896 Then, we have to get rid of this srmor. 672 01:05:04,907 --> 01:05:08,441 - We should bury it... - Yes, but not close to the house. 673 01:05:08,490 --> 01:05:11,951 Help me, I'm going to bury it in the countryside. 674 01:05:12,021 --> 01:05:15,182 Excellent idea, take care you're not seen... 675 01:05:26,489 --> 01:05:31,766 Olimpio De'Pannocchieschi, you tried to trick me, but you're dead. 676 01:05:31,870 --> 01:05:36,556 When I've got rid of this armor, no one will suspect me... 677 01:05:37,008 --> 01:05:42,233 Yes, but... why bury it? I could use it to get revenge... 678 01:05:42,918 --> 01:05:45,988 Of course... how stupid! 679 01:05:46,032 --> 01:05:49,338 It's unique opportunity... 680 01:05:53,790 --> 01:05:58,241 Darling Uguccione, give me more... 681 01:06:01,503 --> 01:06:05,572 - Lady, did you hear anything? - I'm not made of stone! 682 01:06:05,955 --> 01:06:09,066 I feel everything! 683 01:06:09,448 --> 01:06:12,371 I clearly heard footsteps! 684 01:06:13,056 --> 01:06:16,071 Saint Fertility, my husband's back! 685 01:06:16,150 --> 01:06:19,663 Ouick, under the bed! - It always ends like this! 686 01:06:20,095 --> 01:06:22,893 I'll open, husband dear. 687 01:06:23,108 --> 01:06:26,391 In your absence, I preferred to lock myseif in... 688 01:06:30,112 --> 01:06:34,077 What happened? Why don't you speak? 689 01:06:36,932 --> 01:06:41,051 What's wrong? Are you angry with me? 690 01:06:44,411 --> 01:06:49,900 You did well to come back, my penance ends at midnight... 691 01:06:49,952 --> 01:06:54,894 I see your desire and I'm ready to please you... 692 01:07:06,548 --> 01:07:08,912 But... 693 01:07:09,073 --> 01:07:11,667 - But you're not my husband! - No! 694 01:07:11,731 --> 01:07:15,458 - Help, it's not my husband! - Hush! 695 01:07:15,542 --> 01:07:17,951 Shut up! 696 01:07:50,447 --> 01:07:53,446 Are you sure the miller was dead? 697 01:07:53,462 --> 01:07:56,308 If he wasn't, he will be down there... 698 01:07:56,382 --> 01:08:01,650 Lady, I'm not a killer, but... better master Oderisi than us. 699 01:08:01,954 --> 01:08:05,386 Yes... better him. 700 01:08:08,516 --> 01:08:10,282 Where am I? 701 01:08:10,337 --> 01:08:14,175 Don't worry, master Oderisi, we're both in deep shit! 702 01:08:14,892 --> 01:08:17,568 - Weren't you dead? - Did your wife tell you? 703 01:08:17,572 --> 01:08:20,194 - Did she tell you about her lover? - What? 704 01:08:20,237 --> 01:08:22,252 You're a cuckold, master Oderisi... 705 01:08:22,340 --> 01:08:26,994 You filthy rogue, look who's talking! I'll show you who's the cuckold! 706 01:08:27,605 --> 01:08:30,347 Who do you take me for? 707 01:08:30,673 --> 01:08:33,483 Your wife has a lover too! 708 01:08:33,555 --> 01:08:36,489 - So you had a go as well! - Yes, but I got nowhere. 709 01:08:36,548 --> 01:08:38,764 Me neither! 710 01:08:39,103 --> 01:08:42,134 In that case, it's time we talked... 711 01:08:42,345 --> 01:08:46,425 - Yes, let's talk... - At last... 712 01:08:47,513 --> 01:08:51,224 Take that,shitface! 713 01:08:52,038 --> 01:08:54,758 - Get out, if you've got the balls! - It's not easy! 714 01:08:54,778 --> 01:08:57,261 I'll help you. 715 01:08:57,638 --> 01:09:00,527 Lost your tongue, huh? 716 01:09:01,309 --> 01:09:03,992 Oderisi, take this! 717 01:09:04,431 --> 01:09:07,500 I got you there,didn't! 718 01:09:08,089 --> 01:09:10,119 Ugly moron! 719 01:09:10,189 --> 01:09:13,419 Ugly maybe... moron for sure! 720 01:09:14,076 --> 01:09:16,475 Duke Guazzone! 721 01:09:17,557 --> 01:09:20,611 Got you! What a head butt! 722 01:09:20,682 --> 01:09:23,661 Who knows what's in my head?! 723 01:09:30,272 --> 01:09:33,875 - Come here... - What's my name? Who am I? Did it rain? 724 01:09:37,994 --> 01:09:41,744 Enough, Oderisi! We're clean now, aren't we? 725 01:09:50,559 --> 01:09:55,134 - Stop, I've lost my thirst... peace? - Peace. 726 01:09:57,351 --> 01:10:01,197 However, according to me your wife's an easy lay! 727 01:10:01,287 --> 01:10:06,089 She's a bit of a slut, but yours is no joke either! 728 01:10:06,153 --> 01:10:10,706 There's a proverb that says, "Wives and oxen are found at home!" 729 01:10:10,709 --> 01:10:13,908 We found wives, but it hasn't worked out! 730 01:10:13,910 --> 01:10:17,062 Does that mean next time we'll try with oxen?! 731 01:10:18,014 --> 01:10:21,156 Speaking sincerely, Olimpio... 732 01:10:21,360 --> 01:10:25,431 - Do you like my wife, Lady Ubalda? - Fuck! 733 01:10:25,675 --> 01:10:30,044 - Fuck yes or fuck no? - What a question... fuck yes! 734 01:10:30,339 --> 01:10:32,189 Ok... 735 01:10:32,263 --> 01:10:37,390 ... and I confess that I like your wife, Lady Fiamma. 736 01:10:37,993 --> 01:10:41,789 Am I wrong, or are you proposing we swap horns? 737 01:10:42,473 --> 01:10:46,324 I'm just saying that neither of us wants others to enjoy our wifes... 738 01:10:46,415 --> 01:10:49,748 - Correct. Excuse me... - Thanks. 739 01:10:54,072 --> 01:10:57,349 In other words, our fun is our bussiness! 740 01:10:59,947 --> 01:11:02,940 How come they did't drown in the cesspit? 741 01:11:03,186 --> 01:11:08,409 Men like that have the devil on their side. 742 01:11:08,501 --> 01:11:11,935 When they got home, did they forgive their wives? 743 01:11:11,977 --> 01:11:16,802 Not only, but they confirmed a vile exchange agreement! 744 01:11:16,866 --> 01:11:19,466 You mean, each sleeps with the other's wife? 745 01:11:19,487 --> 01:11:22,497 Who knows how they'll be after this sin! 746 01:11:23,361 --> 01:11:26,830 What times! The end of the world is really coming... 747 01:11:26,938 --> 01:11:29,540 Oh mother! 748 01:11:39,970 --> 01:11:43,038 All in embroidered silk, a real dream... 749 01:11:43,410 --> 01:11:47,514 You're right, I myself have seen the duchess wear that dress. 750 01:11:47,603 --> 01:11:50,866 - They say it comes from France... - The French have wanderful tailors... 751 01:11:50,932 --> 01:11:53,804 ... but I find that dress truly scandalous! 752 01:11:53,809 --> 01:11:56,439 - Do you think it is too short? - Very short! 753 01:11:56,530 --> 01:11:59,268 To think it even shows your ankles! 754 01:11:59,355 --> 01:12:02,581 Heavens, where will this fashion lead us? 755 01:12:02,633 --> 01:12:05,623 They'll say that we're easy! 756 01:12:05,686 --> 01:12:10,281 So, will you give me your chastity belt key? 757 01:12:10,406 --> 01:12:13,786 Even though the word 'chastity" doesn't suit her... 758 01:12:13,846 --> 01:12:17,144 - Here! - I suppose you want mine... 759 01:12:20,197 --> 01:12:24,997 But don't fall in love... and re-lock it asa soon as you're done. 760 01:12:27,242 --> 01:12:30,204 Do you think they'll ask questions? 761 01:12:30,283 --> 01:12:32,482 What questions! 762 01:12:32,547 --> 01:12:34,657 At most they'll scream a little... 763 01:12:35,126 --> 01:12:37,925 - Gentlemen? - Here! 764 01:12:37,986 --> 01:12:40,923 This is a nice spot, no? 765 01:12:40,990 --> 01:12:43,168 Perfect, I'd say... 766 01:12:43,199 --> 01:12:47,677 It's a marvellous day, for eating and making love... 767 01:12:48,519 --> 01:12:50,916 Here, my lady... 768 01:12:51,886 --> 01:12:54,114 Here we are! 769 01:12:54,292 --> 01:12:58,630 Olimpio, do you prefer eating or making love? 770 01:12:59,693 --> 01:13:04,074 I prefer making love, but I'm not slouch at eating either! 771 01:13:06,116 --> 01:13:08,836 - And you, ladies? - Loving... 772 01:13:08,926 --> 01:13:12,695 - ... because eating makes us fat... - ... and therefore unattractive... 773 01:13:12,739 --> 01:13:15,189 Well said 774 01:13:23,015 --> 01:13:26,544 Fiamma, I hope you haven't forgotten the onions... 775 01:13:26,742 --> 01:13:30,562 Onions? But you don't like them... 776 01:13:30,985 --> 01:13:33,405 ... you say they're heavy... 777 01:13:33,411 --> 01:13:37,083 Well, once I killed a heard of buffaloes with a single breath... 778 01:13:37,264 --> 01:13:40,857 ... no offence to present company, you understand... 779 01:13:39,977 --> 01:13:42,615 But master Oderisi likes onions... 780 01:13:42,666 --> 01:13:44,491 Me? 781 01:13:44,539 --> 01:13:46,588 Oh, yes... of course! 782 01:13:46,599 --> 01:13:49,480 Impossible, you've always hated onions! 783 01:13:49,529 --> 01:13:54,081 I adore them! But at home I don't want my breath to bother you. 784 01:13:54,084 --> 01:13:57,979 You can eat a cart-load here, it'll all evaporate. 785 01:13:58,326 --> 01:14:02,356 Fiamma, remember that vegetable patch near here? 786 01:14:02,392 --> 01:14:05,245 - Why not go and get a few onions? - As you wish... 787 01:14:05,251 --> 01:14:08,322 ... since it gives you pleasure... I'll go and get some onions... 788 01:14:08,426 --> 01:14:11,223 I'll escort you... 789 01:14:11,336 --> 01:14:13,863 If my husband agrees... 790 01:14:13,930 --> 01:14:17,825 Oderisi is like a brother... the stupid one, that is! 791 01:14:18,430 --> 01:14:24,755 - Well then, I'm off... - Yes, go, I'll wait for you here. 792 01:14:47,703 --> 01:14:49,913 - Sir... - My lady? 793 01:14:49,958 --> 01:14:52,868 - What are you waiting for? - What am I meant to do? 794 01:14:52,878 --> 01:14:57,692 Cuckold the miller, given that you're both in agreement! 795 01:14:57,706 --> 01:15:00,137 But nobody knows... 796 01:15:02,156 --> 01:15:05,866 Who could forget! Lord that's a lot! 797 01:15:09,915 --> 01:15:12,506 - My lady... - Yes? 798 01:15:13,797 --> 01:15:18,183 - Do you really want get onions? - But we're getting them for you... 799 01:15:18,391 --> 01:15:22,814 - Do you want like them? - Yes, but I prefer apples... 800 01:15:22,946 --> 01:15:26,689 - Sir... - Not to mention melons... 801 01:15:27,950 --> 01:15:30,260 - Shameless! - Yes. 802 01:15:30,323 --> 01:15:34,253 - So you, I'll undress... - And the key? 803 01:15:34,329 --> 01:15:37,030 Yes, the key... 804 01:15:37,856 --> 01:15:40,653 Here it is... 805 01:15:46,643 --> 01:15:49,683 Sir, I mean... 806 01:15:49,992 --> 01:15:52,667 ... are we doing this or not? 807 01:15:52,669 --> 01:15:54,873 Of course we are, I'm nearly there! 808 01:15:54,946 --> 01:15:58,010 Holy shit, does this key work or not? 809 01:16:02,577 --> 01:16:05,502 It won't open! 810 01:16:05,507 --> 01:16:07,486 It won't open? 811 01:16:07,666 --> 01:16:10,596 - Can I try? - Sure, go ahead... 812 01:16:17,978 --> 01:16:20,690 Son of a fucking bitch! 813 01:16:20,847 --> 01:16:24,180 Olimpio De' Pannocchieschi, key facker! 814 01:16:24,871 --> 01:16:28,709 Master Oderisi, that's the last time you screw me! 815 01:16:28,717 --> 01:16:32,547 I'm going to butt your belly till you burst! 816 01:16:32,597 --> 01:16:36,489 Get ready, death is night! 817 01:16:36,843 --> 01:16:39,266 Oh, sorry... 818 01:16:39,307 --> 01:16:41,786 Master Oderisi... 819 01:16:41,853 --> 01:16:46,518 Don't ask for mercy... Oh, I thought I was stronger! 820 01:16:47,541 --> 01:16:49,928 - Not fair,I'm down! - True... 821 01:16:49,967 --> 01:16:52,448 - Peace? - War! 822 01:16:54,519 --> 01:16:56,999 Thanks, I didn't know how to stop... 823 01:16:58,082 --> 01:17:00,964 What? Has the sun gone down? 824 01:17:01,020 --> 01:17:03,645 My ass isn't tender! 825 01:17:03,785 --> 01:17:07,241 Oderisi, are you hugging me? Do you want to dance? 826 01:17:12,523 --> 01:17:16,439 Don't try to get away, I've got you! 827 01:17:17,054 --> 01:17:20,604 What are this? Spring rolls? 828 01:17:21,597 --> 01:17:25,770 You know, you're heavy... why not try a diet? 829 01:17:27,176 --> 01:17:30,584 Woms would work great! 830 01:17:31,274 --> 01:17:34,256 Peace? - Peace... 831 01:17:35,467 --> 01:17:39,338 - Had enought? - I'm a punch short, but it's too risky. 832 01:17:39,562 --> 01:17:42,780 - Do you still want Ubalda? - And, you Fiamma? 833 01:17:42,838 --> 01:17:45,461 - Me, sure... - Do you think I'm stupid? 834 01:17:45,505 --> 01:17:49,223 Then let's exchange keys, but the right ones... 835 01:17:49,348 --> 01:17:52,035 No jockes! 836 01:17:54,496 --> 01:17:57,147 - I've lost it! - Me too! 837 01:17:57,203 --> 01:18:00,153 - But we did't hear them fall! - Let's look... 838 01:18:00,250 --> 01:18:02,958 Yes, let's look... 839 01:18:03,553 --> 01:18:07,369 The keys aren't here! But there's a lot of chicory... 840 01:18:25,722 --> 01:18:28,424 Move! 841 01:18:33,643 --> 01:18:36,145 Come on! 842 01:18:38,022 --> 01:18:41,213 Ladies, what a lovely surprise! 843 01:18:41,285 --> 01:18:44,466 The plesure is all ours, father... 844 01:18:44,524 --> 01:18:47,752 What brings you out here, so far from town? 845 01:18:47,801 --> 01:18:51,345 Just an innocent picnic with our husbands... 846 01:18:51,510 --> 01:18:54,809 Master Olimpio and Oderisi together? 847 01:18:54,884 --> 01:18:59,890 Don't be surprised, our husbands have reached an agreement... 848 01:19:00,053 --> 01:19:02,831 ... they're firm friends now. 849 01:19:03,513 --> 01:19:09,679 How wonderful, at last my desires have come true! 850 01:19:11,000 --> 01:19:13,238 But where are they? 851 01:19:13,403 --> 01:19:15,524 Her husband is in the fields gathering onions... 852 01:19:15,549 --> 01:19:20,405 - Hers went for apples and melons... - Great, I'm so happy! 853 01:19:20,846 --> 01:19:24,726 Field work makes a man strong and vigorous! 854 01:19:25,964 --> 01:19:28,212 Please... 855 01:19:28,224 --> 01:19:33,154 My ladies, why don't we dedicate this rest to meditation? 856 01:19:34,021 --> 01:19:36,263 You guide us, dear monk... 857 01:19:36,300 --> 01:19:40,164 Everyone say's you're a master at talking to souls... 858 01:19:40,793 --> 01:19:43,689 Yes, everyone does, won't you teach us too... 859 01:19:43,956 --> 01:19:47,968 - Does the abyss hide many sins? - Hundreds... 860 01:19:48,260 --> 01:19:52,467 - How can a woman defend herself? - By fleeing temptation... 861 01:19:52,568 --> 01:19:56,929 - And how does one flee? - With will power, my children... 862 01:19:56,957 --> 01:20:00,044 And what must one do to avoid the precipice? 863 01:20:00,117 --> 01:20:02,062 Apply will power... 864 01:20:02,098 --> 01:20:04,797 Help us find the keys to happiness... 865 01:20:04,805 --> 01:20:08,423 - You have them... - All of them... 866 01:20:10,634 --> 01:20:17,084 ... which always works! 867 01:20:25,309 --> 01:20:27,863 - I haven't found mine! - Me neither! 868 01:20:27,928 --> 01:20:31,151 Damn whoever invented chastity belts! 869 01:20:32,246 --> 01:20:36,959 Modestly speaking, I believe I'm one of the greatest inventors... 870 01:20:37,053 --> 01:20:41,723 ... of chastity belts and a similar protective devices. 871 01:20:41,981 --> 01:20:46,333 I have just the right device for you... 872 01:20:46,466 --> 01:20:48,779 How do you find inspiration? 873 01:20:48,807 --> 01:20:51,997 In a flash, like now... 874 01:20:52,032 --> 01:20:58,136 I feel my mind move, and snakes all over me... 875 01:20:58,224 --> 01:21:01,369 - Are you throwing them at me? - Oh, sorry. 876 01:21:01,902 --> 01:21:04,384 - Here are my latest finds... - Why, did you lose them? 877 01:21:09,670 --> 01:21:14,415 Under whatever circumstances, a true chastity belt... 878 01:21:15,336 --> 01:21:19,992 ... protects a husband's honor with extreme defence devices. 879 01:21:21,327 --> 01:21:24,699 This one's called "The Demon's Claw"... 880 01:21:25,409 --> 01:21:29,255 I'll show you how it works... Here... 881 01:21:29,844 --> 01:21:32,725 ...proceed... 882 01:21:38,149 --> 01:21:40,079 See? 883 01:21:40,137 --> 01:21:44,541 No cucumber escapes "The Daemo's Claw"... 884 01:21:45,253 --> 01:21:50,666 Now let's look at "Sulphur of Satan"... 885 01:21:50,761 --> 01:21:54,247 Diabolic and infallible... 886 01:21:56,148 --> 01:21:58,702 Hand me a cucumber... 887 01:22:01,527 --> 01:22:04,423 Observe! 888 01:22:07,348 --> 01:22:10,065 Sulphur of Satan! 889 01:22:10,091 --> 01:22:13,279 No cucumber fails to scorch! 890 01:22:13,428 --> 01:22:16,606 But what if it scorches my wife's peach? 891 01:22:16,633 --> 01:22:20,710 - Don't you have anything less drastic? - Sure, my masterpiece! 892 01:22:20,874 --> 01:22:23,722 A cucumber, please... 893 01:22:23,740 --> 01:22:26,189 Here it is... 894 01:22:26,200 --> 01:22:30,627 A last caress... totally silent! 895 01:22:30,655 --> 01:22:34,720 It's a belt with one entry and free access... 896 01:22:35,356 --> 01:22:37,781 Cucumber... 897 01:22:37,952 --> 01:22:41,133 - And now? - When you least expect it... 898 01:22:42,709 --> 01:22:45,586 Did I scare you? 899 01:22:45,603 --> 01:22:48,251 - Does noise weigh? - No... 900 01:22:48,306 --> 01:22:50,121 Then I shitted myself! 901 01:22:50,161 --> 01:22:53,040 Shall I warp it, or will you take it with you? 902 01:22:53,049 --> 01:22:56,228 What? Oh... send it to my house... 903 01:23:02,213 --> 01:23:04,244 Master Deodato, may I? 904 01:23:04,331 --> 01:23:08,635 - Oderisi, what brings you? - Can you keep a secret? 905 01:23:09,321 --> 01:23:13,053 Like a charm! An inventor is like a confessor... 906 01:23:14,569 --> 01:23:18,158 I need a device... 907 01:23:20,036 --> 01:23:24,848 ... that allows free access and looks innocuous... 908 01:23:25,200 --> 01:23:28,511 But at the right moment... SNACK!